Archive for September, 2010

Being Ignored

September 12, 2010

It’s like getting a hug. So nice and warm, comforting…. Oh. Wait, never mind.

I have no idea what to do. No friends, no family. What the fuck did I do wrong? I’m only thankful I have Hannibal in my life or I might strangle myself. I’m also thankful I have my dad’s side of the family. At least he isn’t calling me names behind my back.

I’m growing very tired with my mom. I still cant believe she went so far as to delete me from her facebook, like… Really? Do you honestly think you hurt me that way? No, it doesn’t hurt. I’m honestly happy you deleted me. Now you cant ‘judge’ me for what I put up. And by the way, the only reason I deleted my cousins and aunts and uncles, was because I knew they would tell you something.

Look I’m sorry for what I did and said, but get over it. I’m almost, allllmost 21 years old. I think I now have the right to say what I want. If you disagree, good for you. But after that guy was wrong the first time, in God’s heaven he is a false prophet. You know what they used to do to false prophets? They used to position them at the bottom of a rocky mountain, tie them down and then go to the top and drop large rocks on top of them. (Stone them to death is another term.) You know what, he’s the guy that set the Al Quida off. No wonder why they attacked us. Harold Camping did this. Maybe the man should learn to keep his mouth shut. But you know what mom, you believe what I want. I’ll learn the bible my own way. I’m not 12 anymore, you cant tell me what to do anymore. I’m sorry. If I want your help then yes, I will go straight to you. I love you mom more than you think, you just need to learn that your little girl doesn’t take shit anymore.

(By the way, Harold Camping also said that people between 1980-1984 were only saved. And that would mean… Not me…. Hmmm Or you….. Maybe you should get your facts straight mom. I know I am. )




September 4, 2010

I have to be honest with all of you. As of late, things have been a bit…. Odd.

My feelings are being mixed up, my life has been in a, well to say the least, chaos. And things with Hannibal have definitely been rocky. I’m in love with him and I know that for fact, but sometimes I feel like… Well… Nothing. Shit, trash, crap, horrible, and so on and so forth. Used is truly a word I would I feel right now. It hurts knowing that…. Hmm… Never mind, too much information.  I’m not entirely sure what exactly to say to him, but I can only pray that he is just scared, and that we will be together. I really do not see myself with anyone else. I love waking up next to him, his hair in shambles and the both of us so tired school is out of the question, but we both have to go. I gave up on kids, I’ll give up on a house, and maybe pets, but I will not give up on Hannibal, there’s no way.

It hurts even to think that I might lose him…. I don’t want to.